How do we deal with our social evil called " Dowry?

No more laws will change the psyche of our greedy people who shamelessly make demands from cash to gold, jewellery, fully furnished house, scooter, car, and full expense of the marriage as a "Trade-off against their so called educated or foreign returned Son to tie the knot with the girl.

This is many times justified as a "Traditional Exchange" by the boy´s family and I have seen even the shameless boys who hardly are taught any values of life by parents, shamelessly will tell you... It is not my idea, my elders, parents believe in these customary Trade-offs, exchanges and I have no say in it?

I have also seen boys who choose their life partner on their own, have an affair, when the time comes to give final touches to the Big event of their lives to tie-up the knots, say the same with no shame about their family demands and smartly detach themselves from the adult´s Business transactions. I know some boys working abroad, living in the modern western world have not changed even after their global exposure.

To change this, first I recommend the parents of the girls should firmly stand on their ground if any Dowry demands are made, even if they can meet the demand. Secondly, today´s modern girls, should themselves reject boldly such illegal demands on principles, saying I am not here in the market as a commodity. And I have no respect for such family or boys.

This is the right time, alliance based on the greed if rejected at once, can prevent further insults, humiliation and excesses on the girls life. And no harm will be done to her personal life. Because a marriage is no trading of goods and services at profits. It is a holy alliance of two people for all the happiness in the world for both partners. The minute it is given a monetary get-up, it is a commercial trade-off and it is not based on human values at all.

So the government to fight such social evils, must carry out extensive campaigning against any financial, or goods demands, when it comes to marriages. The public awareness campaign to address this issue on Dowry demands should carry messages to educate people who fall prey to illegal demands.
The message in social campaigning should be... Do Not Sell Your Daughter" And Never Ever try to Purchase Your Son-In-Law" Your daughter will never be happy in a family who has put up Son for SALE at a price. And remember, it is a crime too if reported.

Now another side to this social evil is ...
many times I have observed, parents and the girl herself do not complain about her harassment by in-laws or her husband due to Dowry issues. Here our upbringing by the parents and adults and teachers is responsible, because every time you try to say something, you are asked to shut-up or told, you are still not grown up to talk about this or that? This upbringing has seen devastating results in adult our life.

This upbringing and the traditional thinking of our adults who keep lecturing the girls all the time that, once you are married, you have to adjust with your Husband and his family. I have seen parents, when the girl is trying to say something to parents about the ill treatment she is given by her husband or in-laws, parents do not see, there is something wrong, but advise the daughter to make adjustments, and all will be fine? She is not heard. Her pain does not receive a response that deserves proper attention.

This approach by our traditional minds and society who talks loosely not about the boys but about the girls that, Ohh, she has a problem, she can not get along with people? People talk loosely about girls with such a insensitivity that many times it results into a waiting disaster.

This situation, many times I have noticed, forces the poor girl to keep her mouth shut and undergo all the mental torture, insults and humiliation heaped on her. Those girls who are mentally strong, and can deal with such onslaughts in life, do make bold decisions and do not let the partner or his family push her to the wall. But ultimately with her strong stand, situation worsens and she has to face violant reactions or call it a quits. Then her actual ordeal in married life starts.

I am trying to be focused only on the subject which is on Dowry. But I also know of the girls who are making life miserable of the boy unfairly and by taking the disadvantage of the Strict laws in her favor, try to make financial deals as the best opportunity to make the best out of a simple, humble, good boys. But this is a different area and it can be discussed separately.

But since we are on the subject of Dowry issue, more than laws, fast implementation of laws in fast track courts is the need of the hour.

In our country, even if two adults decide to separate for whatever reasons, right or wrong, to get divorce, it becomes a mental torture for the girl and her parents in cases of Dowry harassment. Two Years, three years, sometimes even more to get divorce?

This itself is a mental agony for the girl and her old parents who are already going through hell. The girl´s future is all under uncertainty and dark. Not knowing which way life is taking her. Old parents are in emotional agony for their loved one whose married life is devastated.

And the family courts take years and years to give divorce? I do not understand who are they punishing? The girl and her old parents or the accused Husband and his family who is responsible to ruin her married life?
First thing first:

1. We should have independent Agencies of old women and men retired from judiciary, police, school teachers, principals, Lawyers and other professionals who the aggrieved married women can approach in confidence to report the ill treatment on account of Dowry, or any other serious crimes allegedly committed by her husband and his family members.

There are strict laws in US where even a child calls on the phone, the police or the Human Rights Activists, for being harassed, tortured, and next minute, he receives the help. Police or the Activists from the area reach the house to take the parents to task. Parents are taken into custody for interrogation, and it is considered a very serious offense, serious crime, and if necessary, appropriate legal action is taken against the parents or warned with a stern warning, next time, if it happens, you will be in the jail.

And it is not a farce by the police, you can not purchase police or Activists there.

The child knows his/ her rights and how to deal with the crime when the time comes.

But just think, why people are not scared of law in our country?

There is no fear of law nor the punishment in India. A person is killed in India in-front of the police station. And gets away with the murder. Where is the fear in people of the laws?

A phone call from the minister, from top officials can change the FIR story at police station? You pay money to police and false FIR is registered against a girl by her husband or in-laws that says... she is abusive, beats her mother-in-law ?

And the worst FIRs recorded against a wife by her nasty husband and his family on the cunning advice of the equally rogue lawyer, when they are very influential and politically connected.... the FIR says,

She is a loose character, she has an affair in the office and she is abusive and even beaten her old mother-in-law?

Then the wife and her parents are threatened by police with the copy of the FIR. The old parents, and their daughter are accused now and taken to police custody for interrogation.

This very mental torture pains the girl who can not see her parents being punished unnecessarily when no fault of theirs and prefers many times to keep quiet.

For any girl to see old mother and father taken into police custody is a mental torture in addition to her own marriage issues.

Middle class, and the poor class are victims of our corrupt system. In Dowry case, the poor wife who is harassed by her husband or in-laws is trapped, her parents are helpless trying their best to patch-up, but nothing works with the people who are harassing the poor girl for money, more money and more money.

So, what do we need to deal with such social evils in our society ?

1- Separate police agency where there are only women working. This agency is not attached to police stations but working independently where our Dowry victims can approach fearlessly, secretly and report the crimes.

2- If the woman wants to separate because she has tried her best for long to make all adjustment but nothing seems to have worked for her, this special women agency should have women social activists, lawyers to assist her to take firm and decisive action on the reporting of the crime.

3- This special Cell must be attached to Special Magistrate court which only deals with the crimes related to Dowry related and Domestic violence.

These both crimes at homes in the families which our tolerant women keep covering with a degree of social fear must be addressed head on in fast track courts because many married women who remain quiet about their mental, physical, emotional and even psychological harassment, become victims of depression and prefer to end their lives in all frustrations.

They think, they are not going to get help from anyone and in sheer frustrations, it all results into suicides by them which we read in the news papers every day.

And in worst cases... if in-laws are mean, cruel, they don't even hesitate to kill the innocent girl with some well designed plot to make it look natural.

That is why when a girl is facing Dowry harassment by her own life partner and his family, she is not a living person but a dead person and her spirit of living in the wonderful world of marriage gets virtually killed.

And that is why this Dowry crime must be treated like a murder of a womam, her soul and spirit to live life.

Isn't this a fact that we know of this corrupt society we live in?

That is why we need to form a effective system which can deal with Dowry crimes firmly and quickly to give justice to our girls to settle in life sooner with all the happiness in the world once again.

1- I strongly recommend, strict implementation of Special Cells to deal with Dowry and domestic crimes,

2- These special cells should work closely with the family courts where a woman can directly present her case to the judge.

3- No lawyer should be allowed in these cases because the a woman in distress can best present the case with the help of advisory professionals from law in the special Cell.

4-No postponement of dates be allowed if the husband does not appear on the given dates in the court.

5- If he does, that should be strictly held against him as a violation of Human Rights abuse..

6- And finally, In three months time, the agony and the pain of all involved, especially the woman and her old parents must be over with justice delivered either ways.

The criminals must receive maximum, harshest punishment ever so that others in the society will not dare abuse women and ill treat them. May be a public naming and shaming and life imprisonment.

Today, there is a irrational system in place if a divorce is asked. There is some " Cooling period, some months. And some compulsory period when both the parties are advised and marriage counseling is given to both, Husband and wife.

But if we observe, when there is no love left between two souls, there is a bitterness between two adults, no respect left and no willingness to make adjustments, no willingness to compromise needed in married life, and worse of all, a serious crime is committed of Human Rights Abuse, what is a big idea of "Cooling period"?

In most cases it has never worked and if it works, it only works for a short time. Again, woman is treated with more aggression and abuse and things go worst for the lady to handle.

Then she has to again go through the same mental torture, police, court, divorce. And then it becomes a mental agony to everyday life for the woman and her family and she has children, it is the worst torture.

Where is the wisdom in all this system where a woman is forced to suffer mentally, physically, emotionally? For months and years?

She can not live her own life just because her abusive husband and his family want to ruin her life? When can she start re-living her life again?

When an adult decides to separate,I thought, it is considered constitutional right, a conscience choice of a grown-up person, for good or bad, and why cant law deal with it accordingly with the same perspective?

Who really are the outsiders to give advise to stay together when two or one of the two adults decide to serrate ? Please try and understand the feelings of the individuals who suffer on account of abuse. Nobody has the right to give any advise to a matured grown-up adult who is sane, mentally stable and has average intelligence.

Let us stop meddling with other´s lives and mind our own business. more  

View all 11 comments Below 11 comments
Vijaya’s Article on Dowry & Divorces was not seen by me. But the comments need high-light of facts. [1 ] Those Caring neighbors and Society will reveal & Suggest in a particular way [ 2 ] Those Caring law & Activism , aggressive responsing , will opine & suggest differently [ 3 ] Commentators will opine in a different way[4 ] hose Responsible & Administrative strategists will define and argue in a separate way.
[ 5 ] Politicians caring only aggressors will take different view
BUT, SOCIAL PERSONALITIES ONLY WILL BEING-UP THE FACTS FOR A PROPER, PERFECT AND FIT DECISION FOR ANY AND IN ANY . The following will reveal the Facts with proofs of the issue that establish the real truth .
DOWRY SYSTEM IN INDIA
1. The Dowry payment/awarding for new Family needs OR Property through Pasupukumkuma Gifts OR Kanyasulka system had been in practice and NONE YET FOUND THE YEAR FROM WHICH IT WAS STARTED. The complete details with all descriptions of the whole country through Rau’s committee Report were submitted to Parliament and the legislature started opting Chapter-wise since 1948 . This if read and understood , there will be the deemed fit application and provisions that are needed for a constitutional control in the light of the Composite culture persisted as on 1947 in India.
The Reality hidden in Dowry System is only the Countable amount of Money needed to meet the expenditure incidental in the marriage System / Process & Procedure ; the list of items [ Family infrastructure ] that are needed to put-up a new Family by the Couple Independently AND NOTHING ELSE . This Expenditure if met with there will be considerable decrease and the T.T.D. have so started a Holy program of conducting multi-number of marriages at single time & place spending themselves at-least the requisite cost but only with those propose and indent.
Country nor a Society can abolish a Traditional performance System and particularly the Marriage and its inevitably connected Blessings of a good number of participants for a purposed Good and Joint-life-lead to which some Holy and Social support is in-deed needed for the Peace and hidden Marital & Social life-lead which is an aught even if we consider the natural quality of Human-beings i.e., Man is a Social….living being ; Man cannot live alone even if he is 100% Self oriented ; loneliness develops anti-Social.
2. Even contractual marriage by a written Registration on oath simply garlanding each other also leads disasters and Divorce since it depends upon the Couple OR THAT JOINT MAN AND WOMAN. In a world’s largest & powerful Country, there were numerous Shootings/ killings ; Divorces up-to the decade 1980 – 1990 that was changed from that decade and the Patriots of that Country well know the Facts that lead to such a Peace in Joint life ; or ; let us say , a Married life.
3. The 2005 Succession and Inheritance Central Act amendment pertaining to Women’s Rights over the Joint Properties has given way for the raise of Human natural Ambition and desire over the benefits of the Married Lady’s Shared paternal Property at the acutely needed circumstances and this is only the cause for un-pleasantness, disgusts, disputes, and at some places of Ego, distructions too.
There is absolute need to alter the said 2005 Central Amendment Act deleting the added coverage to REALLY HONOUR AND ACT ON THE ARREST OF DOWRY.
THIS REALLY REMOVES THE PRESENT SITUATION OF MARITAL LIFE DISPUTES/ DISASTERS IN ALL THE TYPES OF ISSUES FROM THE YEAR 2005 THAT ARE STAGED AS RELATED TO DOWRY. THE DEMAND OF SOME PROPERTY BEFORE MARRIAGE OF EVEN A POLICE OFFICER’S DAUGHTER REPORTED TO POLICE BY THAT LADY AT VISAKHAPATNAM PS IS THE STRICT PROOF OF THIS CREATED MENACE.
4. If Statistically analyzed, the inherent awareness of Humanity, Mankind, Generosity and, Social nature has maximum reduced the Dowry Episodes - PRIOR TO THE YEAR 2000 - except where the Egos, Ambitions, desires, Superiority/Inferiority complexions instigated through un-worthy and un-toward Arguments within the married Couple during the recent past and the Changes in life-lead patterns at the out-sets of modernized attitude of imbibed Civilization.
5. Financial implications vested in the above causes specified under root cause 1 & 3 if addressed by the Governments by them selves , there will be again a re-start of reducing and or controlling Dowry issues WHOLLY and even those under the modernized life-styles tendering much & more money. more  
if only girls not boys are given free education by cash subsidy form school to college and job assurance for all irrespective of caste automatically many of the atrocities committed on them will stop in course of time more  
1. The issue of Dowry lifted for discussion purposefully by the mischievous . it is the known fact to every-body . But still instigating the Indian Families .
2. The governments since 1948 covered the indirect forms of dowry but, only from 2005 , there have been the issues reiterated due to adding an another new source of indirect Dowry through a Property Share for Women from their Paternal Property .
3. It is very clear even now, the Male possess the right of Paternal predecessors' Property and the Female have the Predecessors' property through her Husband Share AND , NOW , SINCE 2005 AMENDMENT, AN ANOTHER PROPERTY SHARE FROM PATERNAL PROPERTY from Parents. This is creating some issues from 2005 and the Statistics of a decade earlier and after this 2005 will reveal the Facts.
4. Supreme Court has also stated some observations recently and a week back there is a post in our circles against the Section 498 referring Divorce and Dowry being inter-related.
5. Further, there were more discussions and sharing in the Circles' Post on " Dowry "which will give some other details that are to be considered.

TO SAY THE FACT, ALL THOSE KNEW OF THE FACTS ABOUT THE " DOWRY " SYSTEM AND ISSUES Prior to independence ; 1948 Acts and thereafter amendments and the real impact of 2005 Amendment to SUCCESSION & INHERITANCE . Instead of solving at their point/status the governments simply letting it out . IN DEED, THE FEMALE SHARE OF PROPERTY SHARE WAS ALREADY ACQUIRED BY THE GOVERNMENTS THROUGH LAND CEILING ACT . The 2005 Act now again directs the Family Kartha / head of the Family to Provide a Share now out of the balance land Property WHICH IS INJUSTICE . more  
I have written an article " Dowry issues " and " Ways to Decrease Divorces" I got a phone call " You have not mentioned about Sex ". We can have a face-to-face debate on this
Hamare building me buddhe buddhe log 80 saal ke cant control sex, I go to temple everyday they laugh at me more  
When women get educated, get entry into all professions and are protected by law and the country, and encouraged to find their own life-partners, this social evil will die a slow death... It is just a matter of time and prosperity. The government can help by promoting women welfare. more  
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